I started dating at 13.  It would be the occasional thing, usually in the spring or summer, but I'd gone on a date or two during some of those early 90s Maryland Winter Blizzards as well.  But I didn't have my first real girlfriend until I was 16. 



She was older and established, so it wasn't creepy to me, or anyone else for that matter, knowing that she was 34 at the time.  She had a lot to offer, and it wasn't that serious.  It was a high school fling-sorta-thing.  But we kept seeing each other, and she would tease me by saying, "how good of a boyfriend I'd make."  I would politely decline and explain how I had college dreams and filmmaking aspirations.  And she said, "Awesome!  Let me help and we can take it from there." 




And so, pretty much every weekend throughout my very formative years of 17 to 22, we saw each other.  We spent the whole day, and sometimes nights together.   By the time I graduated college in 2002, at the age of 22, my very steady 40 year old girlfriend, (of now 6 years) wanted to get serious.  I wanted to go off and start my film career.  But she played into the fact that I wasn't mature enough to start an adventure like that, and began to persuade me in such a way, I became practically hypnotized.  And she was so captivated by my potential, plus I was out of school, she asked me to get married.  And about after a month of deliberating, I accepted, and we were married in February of 2003.  I was 23, she was 41. 



We were inseparable.  She was the occasional reason to brag, we had a lot of really good times together, and met other similar people along the way.  Our marriage, however, would hit its first really rough snag from 2005 - 2007. 




Those are the years, that if they were magically deleted, I probably wouldn't have noticed.   But we got through it.  Things were good, we bought a home in 2008, and things were steady until Christmas, 2011. 



At the age of 32, and she was 49, for the first time, I considered a divorce.  I was being put through mental hell and was being asked, "That's your best?"  She even summed up our year by saying, "That I really wasn't that great of a husband, compartively."



 
But things got stable, even enjoyable for a little bit.  She turned 50, and she treated it like another day, so we kept moving on.  Her and I were really never into anniversaries, but when people would find out how long we were together, especially near the end, most people were legitimately shocked. 



In 2015, I almost divorced her again; and it was so bad in 2016 that she almost left me, and deservedly so.  It just hurt that she never really asked what was wrong, after 20 consecutive years of being an absolute rock for her. 



At the start of 2017, I took a break from her for about seven weeks to clear my head, and I came back really grounded and capable and, in my eyes, a better partner for her, finally.  And it was great, in fact it was the best the marriage had ever been for most of 2018 and 2019. 




But when we moved to a new place in the back half of 2019, I felt the dynamic of our relationship finally shift in the negative way I knew it would eventually go.  I was 39, and she was 57.  Her and I began to grow in different directions.  But I fought and kept our marriage going.  I'm ashamed to say that I flirted during this time period.  I even went out on a date behind her back, but nothing came out of it...the whole thing was more of a phone call.  Still, I hadn't been on a date in over 23 years at the time.  
Things eventually got a little better before the world became familiar with COVID, then I didn't really have a choice to stay married or not.  It wasn't really the time to start dating again, with the world changing and all.  But no one was more surprised than I when I declared 2021, as far as marriage years go, as possibly our greatest yet.  I was 41, finally in that middle age bracket, and she was staring down the barrel of 60 at this point, but we continued to make plans for decades into the future.


 
Yet, as good as it was going, something was off.  I was successful with out her in some aspects of my life.  She wasn't jealous, in fact, she didn't care.  I began to focus more and more on my filmmaking passion and prioritize that over my marriage.  She continued to want more and more from me.  Eventually her promises weren't enough and she was writing metaphorical checks she simply couldn't cash.  It wasn't working anymore because I saw through her bullshit.  It was like a haze.    
On September 30, 2022, I was 42 and she was 60, I walked out on our marriage forever.  26 years of never asking and always serving.  26 years of panic, stress and useless knowledge.  But what she didn't realize she was doing, was creating a monster.  Everything that she threw at me, I came back and said, "What's next?"  99% of those that were married before me, had gotten divorced.  I was finally able to end it because I wasn't going to be her doormat anymore.  
She tried to get me back and offer some options on how to work it out.  She gave me my space as I pretended to contemplate, but my mind was made up.  After a few months, she reached out and asked if I was certain that I wanted to sign the divorce papers.  I said yes, and she said, "That's unfortunate."  That was the last time we spoke.  
I'm sure we can be friends.  If we run into each other on the street, no hard feelings.  She's busy, I'm busy, we get it.
But being married to the same woman for 26 years taught me a lot, but it has permanentaly warped my opinions and perspectives about how things work. 
I'm sure I'll go on dates again, but nothing serious.  I think if I do get married again, it would have to be for the right reasons.  I'm sure my ex-wife is doing fine without me.  But I can say, without hesitation, that I do not miss her.  At all.
 


Good luck.